On paper, I had everything. The big house, the nice car, two beautiful girls, and a husband who worked hard to pay bills.
When I told people I was getting a divorce, some of them looked at me like I had lost my mind. Because no one saw the silent battle. We weren’t the couple fighting in public, the kind you’d point at and call dysfunctional. To everyone else, I had the perfect life.
And honestly, he’s not a bad person. That’s what makes this so hard to explain. He has a good heart, I know that. But he just wasn’t the guy for me. We were not aligned in this life.
This is the story of how I got there. So buckle up. And if you’re reading this wondering about your own marriage, keep reading. I wrote the second half for you.
I got married young, at 22. We dated through high school and into college. I came from a small town in the Midwest, where getting married young was just what everyone did. You graduated high school, went to college, got married, had babies. That was the plan.
I was in love with him, or at least I thought I knew what that meant at 22. (Man, I was such a baby.) All I thought I wanted out of life was to get married and have kids. But I never took the time to figure out who I was first. And I think that was my biggest mistake. I can’t say I lost my identity in my marriage, because honestly, I’m not sure I’d built one yet.
I had the beautiful big wedding of my dreams. I had the time of my life. And I meant every vow I said that day. I never thought I’d be the person getting a divorce.
A few years into our marriage, I got pregnant with my first daughter. My pregnancy was hard. Preterm issues early, and I ended up on bed rest. It was such a terrifying time in my life. And that’s when I started seeing the things I couldn’t unsee in my relationship.